Friday, January 26, 2007

Musical Musings

(Zig Zag March 15, 1958 - image from

I am not musically inclined, nor talented in that field. Don't get me wrong. Music provides enjoyment in my life as it does for most people. Yet, am not a good dancer, cannot sing, do not know how to read music, pen lyrics, or play musical instruments, except perhaps for the simple ability to bang sticks together or beat dully upon a drum - you get the picture.

And yet, it seems the Muses - or a least the Warped Muse - visited me recently. Or perhaps the blogger's warped sense of humor was somehow awakened by ongoing events; no doubt influenced by past life experiences, such as reading the satirical "Zig Zag" before it disappeared by fiat issuing from the humorless "kommandant der stadt Havana," and further influenced by that zany bunch from Mad Magazine. The aforementioned publication of course being declared "verboten" in Havana too - but, unlike the unfortunate Zig Zag, beyond the reach of those unappreciative of the absolute twisted humor within its pages.

And so, the Warped Muse visited; not in a dream - I was fully awake, but nevertheless she came to me. And she said: "Compose, compose! For he who will soon de-compose." And, as if by magic, one of my favorite childhood musical memories, a catchy song featured in many a musical radio moment during those Nifty Fifties' days in Havana started playing inside my head and became the basis for the song in question.

If you were there when the Orquesta America played the musical hit "Los Marcianos" in 1955 then you know the tune, and the beat and all about it which makes it neat...and inspired by it, with some modification, mostly in the words of course, so it would fulfill its purpose of cheering up a sick little ol' guy, all "pooped" out in some Havana hospital, the fiendish blogger composed. Humor is the best medicine, isn't it? And, like the "free health care" inflicted on the long-suffering cubanos, it is free, isn't it? Surely, "der kommandant" will appreciate it - no need to spend any of the $900 million amassed by hook and crook, documented by those capitalist-tool folks - who are no fools - from Forbes Magazine.

So, to the tune of
  • "Los Marcianos"
  • this is for you, comatose kommandant...enjoy - or not - makes no difference - we care little if this ties you up in a knot...

    Please note it had to be in Spanish - the Warped Muse insisted the recipient of this musical gift be able to understand the words, appreciate their meaning and enjoy a unique experience...some of the words are a little "off color" for which apologies are extended, but they make the song work well for its intended purpose. Oh, before I forget..."Marcianos" are Martians, as in space aliens; "gusanos" are worms, as in the little pejorative term used by the almost-dead-dolt-kommandant and his court jesters, when referring to Cuban exiles or anyone they think looks, acts, and thinks like Cuban exiles. The thing is, the Worms always have the last laugh, once you get "planted." Those readers familiar with forensic science need no further explanation.

    This Zig Zag Libre - so called as it was published in Miami, free or libre from censorship - cover from November 28, 1964 is very topical, don't you think? The caption reads: "There's room enough for both!" Indeed. Except one of the characters depicted, the Cuban communist party honcho Ordoqui has, shall we say, gone ahead to prepare the way for his erstwhile boss. No doubt they will all have a "hot" time when they meet again...bwah-hahahahaaaaaaah!

    And now, "The Worms Have Arrived"

    Los Gusanos Llegaron Ya (Cha Cha Cha)

    Los Gusanos llegaron ya,
    y llegaron bailando cha-cha-cha,
    esperando se muera un viejo,
    barbudo, feo, y pendejo,
    quien a Dios mucho le rogara,
    pero frente al diablo se cagara

    Los Gusanos llegaron ya,
    y se van a dar banquete!
    Se lo van a jamar,
    cuando este mas tieso que un tolete

    Que vale ser “caballo,”
    si al fin y al cabo lo parte un rayo,
    te lo digo a ti mi amigo,
    los Gusanos jaman antes de mayo

    Con tenedor y cuchillo,
    los Gusanitos lo haran picadillo,
    dedico esta danza
    a los Gusanos pues es su venganza!

    Los Gusanos llegaron ya,
    y llegaron bailando cha-cha-cha,
    esperando se muera un viejo,
    barbudo, feo y pendejo

    By: Alberto Quiroga
    Proud Gusanito ('Lil Worm) since 1959
    Based on the original song, and its music,
    “Los Marcianos,”
    By Rosendo Ruiz, 1955

    Should you care to listen to the original, inspiring tune, iTunes carries it in their inventory - you can buy the track for 99 centavos, which in 1955 would have gotten you several songs - look for "Los Marcianos," by Orquesta America 1955. No, this is not an ad for iTunes - it is just where I was directed by the Warped Muse, for the little sample shared with you, and best played with Windows Media Player. If you cannot play the tune...regretfully we must conclude the Martians have taken over your computer.

    Perhaps someone, some musical group can work on and improve on my poor opus, taking it and running with it, hopefully forever irritating the humorless tuneless clueless green-clad creep - uh, wait, I think he's taken to wearing Nike stuff it is going to do him any good. Ah, well - he can be allowed his fantasies, more so I suppose when you have one hoof in the hole being dug for you...forgive me Lord, for making light of such GRAVE matters.

    Of course, were this song to become a hit, it would be very nice if all profits were donated to help Cuba's political prisoners, those working so hard and fearlessly to bring about freedom and change there, independent libraries, and the many other good causes crying for support in that beautiful island.

    Los Gusanos llegaron ya. The Worms have arrived. W-L-L - Worms Laugh Last.